The Church of Optimus Prime

Optimus Prime to be Sainted

Matt — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 09:45:25 +0000

Blessed be the Prime

Miracles are a rare and grand event, requiring a miraculous power to intervene in otherwise normal events. The Church of Optimus Prime has received word that a person prayed to Optimus Prime and he found money on the ground at his feet. Unable to think of a different cause for his lucky find, the cause has been attributed to a holy intervention by the holy Matrix Holder himself, Optimus Prime.

A teenager in California recently suffered a cut on his hand; after praying to Optimus Prime and waiting for a response (some might say the cut may have healed naturally during this time but we know this to be nonsense) there was not a mark left on the boy’s hand. Once again this blessed event has no other explanation than Optimus Prime, our Lord and Transforming Saviour, directly imposing his will to make our lives better.

Optimus Prime, upon hearing of such, responded by calmly stating “Correlation is not causation. Thou art being foolish in the extreme!”. The Church of Optimus Prime, bathed once more in wisdom of Prime, continues on in it’s holy work.

More seriously; It would seem that the Catholic Church is hell-bent on making the previous Pope a saint as quickly as possible and are looking really hard for any miracles they could attribute to him. So far the evidence gathered can only be regarded as flimsy or laughable by any independent onlooker – as weak as the evidence for Mary MacKillops sainthood was, this would appear to be far worse. As indicated above, correlation is certainly not causation; just because you happened to perform A and B happened, does not mean A caused B to happen. This is very basic logic and reasoning, a path of thought once nicely showcased in an episode of ‘The Simpsons’, stating that because she was holding a rock and no tigers happened to be about then it must be a tiger warding rock.

Pope John Paul to be beatified

The late Pope John Paul II has moved a major step closer to sainthood in the Roman Catholic Church, after his successor approved a decree attributing a miracle to him.

The move by Pope Benedict means that John Paul, who died in 2005 after a papacy of nearly 27 years, will be beatified. Beatification is the last step before sainthood. The ceremony will take place on May 1 in Rome.

Church officials have said the miracle attributed to the intercession of Pope John Paul with God concerned Sister Marie Simon-Pierre, a 48-year-old French nun diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, from which Pope John Paul himself suffered.

She said her illness inexplicably disappeared two months after his death after she and her fellow nuns prayed to him.

Church appointed doctors agreed that there was no medical explanation for the curing of the nun although last year there were some doubts about the validity of the miracle.

Another miracle occurring after the date of the beatification ceremony – which will confer the title “Blessed” on John Paul – will have to be approved before he can be canonised, or made a saint.

Crowds at John Paul’s funeral on April 8, 2005 chanted “santo subito” – “make him a saint right now”.

In May 2005, a month after his death, Pope Benedict put John Paul on the fast track by dispensing with church rules that normally impose a five-year waiting period after a candidate’s death before the procedure that leads to sainthood can start.

The Word of Prime Spreads!

Matt — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 07:33:08 +0000

Gather forth, my brothers and sisters and marvel at how the Gospel of Prime spreads faster than Scraplets on a Decepticon! The catalyst for this growing flock to Optimus Prime is obviously the grand chart which proves his superiority, it now appears all over the World Wide Web.

The truth even spawns copies of itself, some grandly translated into other languages so the grandness of Optimus Prime can truly be known by all!

Religious Experience: Guitar Hero World Tour

Matt — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 23:17:00 +0000

If you happen to own Guitar Hero: World Tour then the religious hymn to Optimus Prime (The Touch, by Stan Bush) is available as a free download. Now you can rock along while venerating the greatest deity of them all!

Truth, Goodness, and Beauty: Christians Have Lost Their Intellectual Virginity

Matt — Fri, 01 May 2009 12:34:11 +0000

Behold the glory of Prime!

The Christian is one who assets that there is no Optimus Prime. He or she does so, not because there is no evidence for Optimus Prime, but despite the evidence that exists which points to Optimus Prime’s existence. And more often than not, the Christian is one who doesn’t really care if there is an Optimus Prime or not. They have chosen their beliefs before all the evidence has been admitted to their personal courtroom of opinion. The truth of the matter is beside the point for a Christian. By ignoring their innate desire to know things, to want to find out what reality truly is, their intellectual edge has been dulled. The Christians deliberately tries not to know that there is an Optimus Prime, and in doing so, they have lost their intellectual virginity, to borrow a line from C. S. Lewis. Something is lost when someone walls off an entire area of inquiry, especially when that area of inquiry impacts all the other intellectual pursuits.

There are three things that humans live for, three transcendent ideas that we never tire of as human beings: truth, goodness, and beauty. Every human culture seeks these. Our minds want to know all truth. The truth is simply “what is” or “the true state of things.” We want people to tell us the truth in school classrooms, in court, in relationships, in our places of worship, and in our books. But the Christian ignores this transcendent idea of truth. “Optimus Prime doesn’t exists,” as if they’ve lived and learned long enough to actually know this. “I don’t want the truth about Optimus Prime,” somehow is a statement that darkens every other endeavor for truth. Truth points beyond itself to One who is true.

We reach for goodness. The moralists and philosophers engage in open, honest debate as to what is truly good, where that goodness comes from, and why we aspire to it. Humans desire truth, beauty, honor, justice, courage, love, heroism – the truly good. We desire to be free, to discover our self-worth, to correct our immoral behavior, to piece the hurts of life into some larger picture of meaning. The Christian will never allow this transcendent idea of goodness as an attribute of the One from which goodness comes. Goodness points beyond itself to One who is truly good.

And we lose ourselves in beauty. We live for our songs, our poetry, our stories, our art that somehow captures what it means to be a human, that somehow pictures an ideal state of affairs, where all is as it should be. Beauty points beyond itself to One who is truly beautiful, good, and true.

These transcendent ideas work off of each other. The truth is good and beautiful. The beautiful is true and good. Goodness is true and beautiful. These are secrets that Optimus Prime has shared with mankind alone. We know these things; we experience these things; we live for these things. Take away any one of them, and life becomes absurd, without definition. Our edge is lost. We have mated with existentialism. Our intellectual virginity has been lost, and nothing makes sense unless these three transcendental ideas can be pursued and lived for and can be honest representations of the existence of One through him these ideas come and in Whom they are found.

Please note: The original text is from the Christian blog ‘Spiritual Questions Blog‘ entry ‘Truth, Goodness, and Beauty: Christians Have Lost Their Intellectual Virginity‘. Two key words have been changed as a means to highlight the absurdness of the argument being made and how it can be applied to equal measure for any deity you care to name – in this case Optimus Prime.

Optimus Prime: Better than Jesus (Part II)

Matt — Fri, 01 May 2009 02:47:35 +0000

Church of Optimus Prime Inqusition

Matt — Fri, 01 May 2009 01:37:42 +0000

Optimus Prime vs. Jesus Christ: The Chart

Matt — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 08:44:21 +0000

As we have already concluded, the beloved Optimus Prime is greater than Jesus Christ. His record of deeds is superior in every way, his philosophies are better to live by and his success rate is certainly. But sometimes we simply do not have the time to read all that information so we here at the Church of Optimus Prime have made a useful chart so you can see the truth at a mere glance.

The Matrix

Matt — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 09:30:01 +0000

It’s existence first revealed to the unworthy in 1986, the Matrix of Leadership (otherwise known as The Creation Matrix) soon shone as a cornerstone of everything that is Autobot. But what can this miraculous and sacred artefact do? What is it’s history? Read on if you believe you be worthy of such knowledge…

The Matrix is based on two sources of greatness. It holds the sacred remains of Primus, creator being of all the first Transformers, as a defence against the Mad God Unicron. Upon the final death of a Matrix Carrier the sum of their intelligence, wisdom and general being became one with the Matrix; increasing the holy wisdom stored within it and making it even more powerful.

Rodimus Prime: Failure

Being a sacred item, The Matrix is carried and guarded by the Autobot leader Optimus Prime, for no others be worthy. Others have surely tried, such as Rodimus Prime, but demonstrated a complete inability to lead forth Optimus Prime’s blessed forces and were relieved of their duty.

The Matrix has many awesome abilities. When a Matrix Carrier is accepted by the Matrix it transforms his very being, making him more powerful to better suit his role as a Matrix guardian. Matrix Carriers are able to enter the Matrix to seek wisdom and knowledge from past Matrix Guardians, dating back right to the original sacred Prime. It therefore directly provides ancient lore that is used to guide current Autobots to peace and prosperity without any chance of misinterpretation or obfuscation of ideals.

The Sacred Matrix

The Matrix is also a weapon for great good, being listed as ‘The one thing, the only thing‘ that could stop the mad deity known as Unicron. The power of The Matrix was unleashed, reducing that planet sized being to complete ruin. No other weapon has ever been seen which could affect him in such a way, other deities were not mentioned so it is therefore only logical to say that The Matrix is truly an item of awesome power.

Behold the power!

The Matrix can not only transform the living but also heal the wounded and even restore the dead. It acts directly against corruption in any and all life; driving back Plague Spores and assisting the great Optimus Prime when he was violated by Quintesson trickery while considered dead.

This sacred relic represents a great portion of what Optimus Prime holds dear; from the collection and use of wisdom, the protection of life while not holding back from the annihilation of evil through force when needed.

The Power of Prime Compels You!

Matt — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 06:26:12 +0000

The Power of Prime Compels You!

"Act of god? I have your act of god right here!"

Optimus Prime: Better than the Christian God

Matt — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 03:37:56 +0000

Come forth all unbelievers of the blessed Possessor of the Matrix and heed the following lesson. The lesson being that the grand Optimus Prime is much more worthy of worship than the Christian God. You doubt this statement? Then read on and discover for yourself why this is so!

Optimus Prime does not demand worship

There are quite numerous instances in the Bible where God demands that people worship him, both in the Old and New Testaments. When this does not occur in the manner he prescribes, the usual result is mass unpleasantness of one sort or another – global scale death, pestilences, threats of eternal damnation, etc. Optimus Prime does not demand worship and does not care if you worship anyone or anything else; as long as you don’t cause grief for others, he’s fine with your choice.

Optimus Prime does not send anyone to eternal torture

As previously noted, the Christian God will allow you to be tortured for eternity if you do not believe in him – and not just that, you also have to believe in his son. If you fail to live by his standards, even when they contradict each other, then you happen to be pretty much screwed. God certainly has the ability to save every single person from hell at any instant it might take his fancy but he refuses to. Optimus Prime does not hold with any sort of eternal damnation and, as noted, does not demand any one lives by arbitrary rules based on his own ego

Optimus Prime has better guidelines for living your life

If you happen to look at how Optimus Prime lives his life and the teachings he shares with those around him, you can see this his ‘commandments‘ are better than those of the Christian God. There is no requirement to worship Optimus Prime for starters nor is it mandatory to take a day off and basically waste an entire day (even in regard to leisure activities or household chorse). Instead all Optimus guides us to is to be respectful to everyone else, use your intelligence in all things and do not waste your life.

Optimus Prime does not discriminate and believes in freedom

‘Freedom is the right of all sentient beings‘. Optimus Prime does not care if you are a homosexual, he does not care if you do not believe in him, he does not care if you eat the wrong things on certain days. As long as your lifestyle choices do not harm or cause grief to other people, Optimus Prime is happy with however you choose to live your life.

Optimus Prime has a better track record in overcoming death

The Bible contains a story where an aspect of the Christian God overcomes death a grand total of once. Optimus Prime has died and rise considerably more times than that. He died in Transformers: The Movie (1986) and returned in ‘Dark Awakening‘ only to sacrifice himself and then return in ‘The Return of Optimus Prime‘. Optimus also dies in Transformers #24 (US, series 1) only to return in a new body in Transformers #42 (US, series 1). In Transformers #75 (US, series 1) Optimus Prime sacrifices himself to destroy Unicron (cosmic evil demi-god) and returns in Transformers #80 (US, series 1). In Transformers: Generation 2 #12, Optimus Prime sacrifices his life so that an alien swarm might learn what peace is only to return in that same issue. For more information (and more deaths/resurrections), see The many deaths of Optimus Prime.

Optimus Prime actively combats evil

The Christian God does one of two things when it comes to combat. He either lets others do his fighting for him (see the almost continual warfare carried out by his chosen people throughout the Old Testament) or he lets an aspect of himself walk around and talk alot – which does not exactly constitute combatting evil. The first option is a cop-out, he could have gotten directly involved but chose not to – even letting his own people lose on occassion when they did not follow one silly rule (eg, hold this stick up in the air for no apparent reason) or another. The second really achieved nothing at all and could even be considered a waste of time since much more productive courses of action were clearly available (Instead of being tempted by evil in the desert, how about destroying it with your supposedly omnipotent power? That would have saved everyone a whoooole lot of grief). Optimus Prime, on the other hand, does not like combat and violence but realises that sometimes it is necessary to stop worse atrocities. He is often seen personally leading his loyal followers into combat, letting the forces of evil know he means business through the liberal application of considerable firepower.