Optimus Prime to be Sainted

 

Blessed be the Prime

Miracles are a rare and grand event, requiring a miraculous power to intervene in otherwise normal events. The Church of Optimus Prime has received word that a person prayed to Optimus Prime and he found money on the ground at his feet. Unable to think of a different cause for his lucky find, the cause has been attributed to a holy intervention by the holy Matrix Holder himself, Optimus Prime.

A teenager in California recently suffered a cut on his hand; after praying to Optimus Prime and waiting for a response (some might say the cut may have healed naturally during this time but we know this to be nonsense) there was not a mark left on the boy’s hand. Once again this blessed event has no other explanation than Optimus Prime, our Lord and Transforming Saviour, directly imposing his will to make our lives better.

Optimus Prime, upon hearing of such, responded by calmly stating “Correlation is not causation. Thou art being foolish in the extreme!”. The Church of Optimus Prime, bathed once more in wisdom of Prime, continues on in it’s holy work.

 

 

More seriously; It would seem that the Catholic Church is hell-bent on making the previous Pope a saint as quickly as possible and are looking really hard for any miracles they could attribute to him. So far the evidence gathered can only be regarded as flimsy or laughable by any independent onlooker – as weak as the evidence for Mary MacKillops sainthood was, this would appear to be far worse. As indicated above, correlation is certainly not causation; just because you happened to perform A and B happened, does not mean A caused B to happen. This is very basic logic and reasoning, a path of thought once nicely showcased in an episode of ‘The Simpsons’, stating that because she was holding a rock and no tigers happened to be about then it must be a tiger warding rock.

Pope John Paul to be beatified

The late Pope John Paul II has moved a major step closer to sainthood in the Roman Catholic Church, after his successor approved a decree attributing a miracle to him.

The move by Pope Benedict means that John Paul, who died in 2005 after a papacy of nearly 27 years, will be beatified. Beatification is the last step before sainthood. The ceremony will take place on May 1 in Rome.

Church officials have said the miracle attributed to the intercession of Pope John Paul with God concerned Sister Marie Simon-Pierre, a 48-year-old French nun diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, from which Pope John Paul himself suffered.

She said her illness inexplicably disappeared two months after his death after she and her fellow nuns prayed to him.

Church appointed doctors agreed that there was no medical explanation for the curing of the nun although last year there were some doubts about the validity of the miracle.

Another miracle occurring after the date of the beatification ceremony – which will confer the title “Blessed” on John Paul – will have to be approved before he can be canonised, or made a saint.

Crowds at John Paul’s funeral on April 8, 2005 chanted “santo subito” – “make him a saint right now”.

In May 2005, a month after his death, Pope Benedict put John Paul on the fast track by dispensing with church rules that normally impose a five-year waiting period after a candidate’s death before the procedure that leads to sainthood can start.

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2 Comments

Filed under Atheism, Christianity, Comedy, Optimus Prime, Religion, Transformers

2 responses to “Optimus Prime to be Sainted

  1. Go Optimus, May you reign forever and ever.

  2. Swoop

    Maybe dinosaurs can be sainted, DO YOU HEAR ME GRIMLOCK, YOU ARE BETTER THAN PRIME, AND THE POPE, AND ALL THE SAINTS… And the queen should knight him too. I can see it now:

    Saint Sir Grimlock, the epic!

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